American Hooligans

J-Bla’s fantasy team is quickly turning into an infirmary to the point where everyone who knows him avoids talking about their favorite players, for fear his bad luck will transfer to them and ruin their teams’ seasons, too. This is an ongoing list of the baseball cancer J-Bla has caused … so far.

2008

• John Lackey - Starting on the DL with a strained triceps. Out until mid-May.
• Jeff Francoeur - Hit in the face by a pitch in spring training. Missed three days. (You’ll note this is my second player in as many years to take a pitch to the grill.)
• Rickie Weeks - Swollen hand from a headfirst slide in spring training. Missed two games.
• Rickie Weeks - (Again!) Apr 1 2B Rickie Weeks was hit by pitches in the ninth and 10th innings Monday in the season-opening victory in Chicago
• John Smoltz - Shoulder inflammation. Starting the season on the DL.
• Pat Burrell - A late scratch from an ST game due to “flu-like symptoms.”
• Francisco Liriano - Alright, he wasn’t injured, but he did get tossed down to the minors to open 2008. Because of J-Bla.
• Victor Martinez - Stumbled running from first to second in the second inning on opening day. Day to day.
• Aaron Rowand - Bruised ribcage. Prognosis currently unknown.

2007

• Chone Figgins - Started on the DL with a broken hand.
• Rafael Furcal - Started on the DL.
• Eric Gagne - Started on the DL, was down with a hip injury a week after coming off.
• Hideki Matsui - Strained hamstring running out a grounder.
• Mike Mussina - Strained hamstring after running off the mound to cover a potential bunt down the third base line.
• Victor Martinez - Pulled quadriceps in the cold weather. Missed a week.
• Jason Schmidt - Strained hamstring. (J-Bla didn’t even have him on his team, but tried to trade for him the same day Schmidt got hurt.)
• Scott Podsednik - Right adductor pull.
• Jorge Posada - Bruised thumb. Missed a week.
• Akinori Iwamura - After getting off to a red-hot start, went down with a strained oblique.
• Torii Hunter - Hit in the face with a Greinke fastball. (At this point, J-Bla considered quitting to keep players from getting seriously hurt.)
• Jim Thome - Injured ribcage. (What does that even mean?)
• Orlando Hernandez - Bursitis in the shoulder the day J-Bla added him to his roster.
• Roy Halladay - Acute appendicitis. Out four to six weeks.
• Josh Beckett - Cut finger. 15-day DL.
• John Smoltz - Dislocated right pinky in a rundown against the Nats.
• J-Bla’s mom - Torn calf muscle filling in for a rec league softball game. 60-day DL.
• Chipper Jones - Bruised hand after a collision with another player. 15-day DL.
• Akinori Iwamura - Cut eye chasing down a foul pop-up. Miss five days.
• John Smoltz - Missed a start with shoulder stiffness.
• AJ Burnett - Strained shoulder. 15-day DL.