American Hooligans

So, it’s been a bad start for Ghost Ride Da WHIP.

So bad I was actually contemplating picking up David Eckstein to fill in at Shortstop.

I know…

Suffice to say, with a winning percentage much closer to .000 than .500, it was time to blow up the outside world and scour the waiver wire for hot pickups.

So, here’s your slightly revised 2008 Ghost Ride Da WHIP

Starters

C: Kurt Suzuki–Kurt looks like the latest “As player who blows up for no apparent reason because half the damn sport refuses to read Moneyball”

1B: Casey Kotchman–I’m not exactly sold on Kotchman, but .387 OBP and only 3Ks with 7XBH means he’ll shore me up in several key categories.

2B: Dustin Pedroia–One of my most painful pickups, Pedroia is actually a really good player that just happens to play for my portal enemies.

3B: Chipper Jones–Chipper Fucking Jones, ladies and gentlemen.

SS: Stephen Drew–Just one calorie, not Drew enough. Still, he’s hitting better than JJ Hardy and the DBacks look hot. I will still be looking to shore up SS.

OF: Matt Holliday–Striking out way too much for my tastes, but a pretty big hitter all the same.

OF: Nate McLouth–The very first of my “hold my nose” free agent pickups, he’s doing amazing, largely to spite me.

OF: Ryan Church–Doing fantastic, what can I say? A bit too many Ks, but once the Joe Credes get injured, I’ll pick up whoever looks hot and dependable.

Util: Josh Hamilton–Not a big fan, but he’s doing well enough to be my “may as well” pick every couple of days.

Bench:

SS: JJ Hardy–He’ll either pick up or I’ll cut him. Goddamn, is there a lack of talent at Short.

C: Jorge Posada–A catcher with a bad wing makes me nervous, but as the only guy hitting on the Yankees, he can pick me up some points on Suzuki’s day off.

1B: James Loney–James Loney is fantastic and will undoubtedly get more starts when Kotchman starts striking out.

1B, 2B, 3B, OF: Mark DeRosa–Yeah, I took a Cubbie, wanna fight about it?

Pitchers

SP: Jake Peavy–Jake Peavy is a god and mohammed is his prophet.

SP: Cliff Lee–I just picked him up today. If I’m going to have a goddamn Cleveland pitcher on my team, I’ll have the one with a head problem, rather than a physical problem (Hi, CC! You worthless fuck). I will probably regret this.

RP: Takashi Saito–Like a Corolla-building robot, Saito is dependable, reliable, Japanese, and a robot.

RP: Chad Billingsley–Not doing as well as I would like, but he’s had some weird starting conditions, so I’m giving him a game or two more to shape up.

P: Tim Lincecum–22Ks in 16IP.

P: Ian Kennedy–He’s borderline, but he’s also had some weird weather and games, so I’m giving him another game or two to get things figured out.

P: Brian Bannister–I just picked him up because I have Royals Fever! Catch it!

Bench: Joba Chamberlain–Joba is an amazing pitcher and will be coming back to prove something to his dad, which says he will either be electric or collapse into a pile of goo, and since we all know the only thing to rattle Joba is a bunch of bugs, I’ll hang onto him for now.