American Hooligans

While J-Bla is making strong headway with the 2008 Baseball Cancer injuries, I’m proud to say that I think I am making a strong case for the 2008 Ghost Ride Da WHIP in terms of the best and funniest injury. Last year, I was on board the JJ Hardy train all year long, and though he ran out of steam towards the end, it was one of the smartest free agent pickups I made. Naturally, when he was available late in our fantasy draft, I snapped him up and said “Well, shortstop is now completely nailed down,” and never got around to picking up a backup, figuring I’d pick up whoever of my starters got hot or qualified for SS eligiability to fill that role.

Oh, irony.

Mar 23 SS J.J. Hardy has been out of action for a week with what initially was thought to be the flu. But Hardy has lost 10 pounds and is still weak, and he is being tested for a possible intestinal parasite.

Yeah, my starting shortstop might have a goddamn tapeworm.

This is not only hilarious, it throws my entire roster into disarray. With Opening Day coming up, I bit the bullet and cut Jim Thome, then perused the wire to see who could fill in should J.J.’s habit of apparently living in a filthy hovel continue working against him. This is partly because taking injured starters into Opening Day reeks of bad juju and partly because “Starting shortstop” and “intestinal parasite” are words you never want to hear together, whether you’re a fantasy manager or running a real team.

My options are few, since it’s right after the draft and the season hasn’t started. I narrowed it down to two. Mark Loretta: Upside, he qualifies pretty much everywhere. Downside, he crossed the Red Sea with Moses. And Wilson Betemit, who has spent Spring Training playing like he wants a job, while he also happens to play at positions where the Yankees are stacked as hell. Looking at the current depth chart, at first, he’s behind Giambi and Duncan, at third, he’s behind A-Rod and Ensberg, and at short, he’s behind Jeter, so he’s not exactly going to look at serious playing time, but at the same time, he’s good enough that they’ll use him eventually. I hope, anyway, since he’s my pickup, though I will be seeing who gets hot at short and pouncing on them like a tiger.

While I was perusing the wire, I also decided that Dontrelle Willis is not going to work out, at least given his problems early on, while Ian Kennedy combined the two virtues of still being a pitching laser and moving into a starting role with a good Spring Training round, which may make me a hypocrite, but damned if I can leave him out there on the wire for the sake of my ego, making me the ultimate homer.